Labor secures bigger majority, excited to do nothing with it

As Prime Minister Anthony Albanese successfully secures a larger majority government by strategically masterminding having the most hated man in the country be his opponent, Labor has announced plans to look towards the future.

The PM has plans to take away the wrong lessons from the defeat of racist Trumpian rhetoric and continue to do more of the fuck all he did the first time around.

“Australia stood up to our ‘Temu Trump’,” said Albanese, “and I promise to continue that energy into thinking about not sending a thank you note next time the real Trump does something awful to us.”

“You wanted climate action, refugee rights, anti-racism, a government that stands up for human rights… and we will deliver a little bit of tinkering around the edges.”