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Labor commits to reaching ‘Net Zero Welfare Relief’ by 2030

The Albanese government have responded to claims that the budget does not do enough to address Australia’s poverty crisis, telling voters that it was just the first step in their commitment to reach net zero welfare relief by 2030.

“It was a tough call to make but now no one can say we didn’t keep our election promise” said PM Albanese, “besides the one about not leaving anyone behind.”

“It’s times like this that I think back to my mum that grew up in low income housing, now I’ll continue that legacy by ensuring that children of mothers in the same position today have to struggle even harder to become a class traitor like me.”

“I know some people think raising the welfare rate by $2.80 a day is outrageous spending,” said Treasurer Chalmers speaking at a $5,000 a head meet and greet, “but we want to reassure all of our donors that this drastic change will be counterbalanced when you get more back thanks to the stage 3 tax cuts.”

Finance Minister Katy Gallagher announced new incentives to focus on securing the net zero promise by securing their commitment to ignoring the housing crisis, supermarket price gouging and  record high corporate profits, instead launching a new ‘SubKeeper’ handout funnelling Centrelink funding directly into nuclear submarines.

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