Coalition give Barnaby an iPad to play on for the rest of the election 

An exhausted Peter Dutton has rolled out his emergency option after families man Barnaby Joyce embarrassed himself in yet another soft-ball interview.

Dutton has told the overly excited little shit that he can have as much “iPad time” as he wants until the election is over, just as long as he keeps quiet and sits still.

“I never thought I would resort to an iPad,” said Dutton, “I thought I would be the kind of leader who can just calm them down but I can’t take it anymore. I need to focus on my culture wars.”

“Hopefully Bluey and Balatro will keep him out the media’s attention and more importantly, out of the pants of any nearby junior staffers.”

The plan started a bit rocky after Barnaby was heard yelling “I want my bottle” shortly after receiving the iPad, but quickly calmed down when he was handed his vodka.