$21.4 million: Alan Joyce paid $1 for every dissatisfied Qantas customer

Qantas has revealed that Alan Joyce received $1 for every customer who had a shitty experience, meaning he received $21.4 million this year.

“The board takes into account many factors when deciding how insanely bloated executive compensation should be,” the statement read. “After considering our tidy profits, the economic environment, internal relatives, market data and the fact we had some spare cash lying around from Jobkeeper, we thought it was only fair to pay him $21.4m.”

“Or to put it another way, he received $14,000 per person we laid off illegally.”

But the Qantas board defended the compensation package as being very much in line with the company’s values. “It is consistent with the naked profiteering you’ve come to know and love from the spirit of Australia.”

The Chaser reached out to the government for comment, but we were unable to gain access to the Chairman’s Lounge, where they were all hanging out.

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