Tony Abbott begins drafting another character reference

Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has roused himself from his comfortable retirement to begin writing up one of his famous character references, this time for Alan Jones.

Mr Abbot said he was contacted by Jones’s lawyers along with former Prime Minister John Howard, asking him to write a “love letter” to his dear friend.

“They seem to be coming for all my friends these days,” said Abbott, “it’s times like this that shows a person’s character. Alan has helped fight against climate rubbish and pronoun politics for years, the least we can do is vouch for him despite any evidence that may come out.”

“It’s a sad statement of modern society that they’d arrest someone over an allegation after only having a lengthy investigation. Now he has to go to court? What happened to due process?”

“Anyway, so far I’ve written that he is ‘a great hero’ and ‘a saint for our times’ being led to ‘a modern-day crucifixion’ – oh wait sorry that’s an old one for George Pell.”