Situation so dire people consider paying for ‘The Guardian’

Journalism’s answer to avocado toast, ‘The Guardian’ has seen a huge increase in subscriptions, causing conservative media to label them a ‘now dangerous news organisation’.

“Who knew all we needed to stay relevant and get back on top was for fascism to go mainstream,” – said Editor in Chief Katherine Viner” “we had given up on the idea that our readers would pay for news coverage, but now that X.com, Truth Social and even TikTok are pretty much just lies, people are looking for info sources that aren’t owned by overly sensitive, billionaire man-children.”

Fox News’s Brett Baier, has spoken on Joe Rogan’s podcast for 3 hours about how ‘The Guardian’ is now “The single greatest threat to democracy in human history”, before discussing President Trump’s plan to deport or imprison all his political rivals.

*Experts say that if you are considering giving money to a non-billionaire control news outlet but don’t want to give it to The Guardian because you remember their annoying opinion column still exists, you can always give money to satire writers instead.