“I would never act inappropriately at work” says former teacher who wrote love letters to students

Race riot enthusiast Alan Jones has responded to an explosive expose in the Sydney Morning Herald which outlined multiple sexual assault allegations against the former radio host, denying that he would ever do anything inappropriate. This in a statement he wrote as part of his latest love letter to a 14 year old.

The self-declared ‘freedom of speech absolutist’ has said that he is willing to sue anyone who tries to talk about the allegations, fearing that mention of the allegations existing could hurt his reputation as a creepy caricature of a bigot that’s come to life.

“As you all know, I am a great man” said Jones, “I would never do anything unprofessional that shows a complete disregard for the wellbeing of another person. Unless of course you think that calling for people to physically abuse female politicians is unprofessional.”

“What will my few hundred fans on YouTube think when they don’t hear this story since they only listen to the outlets that have helped empower me over the decades?”

Responses to the explosive allegations have been big with powerful people including many media executives and career politicians from across the aisle describing the claims as ‘shocking’ before going into hiding so no one can ask questions about their friendships with him.

Meanwhile Kerry Stokes has offered Jones a spot on the next season of Channel 7’s SAS.