Cardinal and Cardinal Sin enthusiast George Pell has been spotted in Sydney today which has led to public health officials putting out an immediate alert to residents calling for children to remain socially distanced from Pell at all times.

“Please keep children at least 1.5 meters away from Pell,” said one concerned expert, “and ideally 1.5 miles away. And in our experience, it’s probably a good idea to make sure they wear a face mask at all times.”

But a spokesperson for the Catholic Church said it was ridiculous to aim for zero exposure to kids. “This is the Catholic Church, after all. We prefer suppression to elimination.”