Celebrity Advice: Grimace

“I’ve been looking for a job lately, do you have any tips to stand out from the crowd?” – Jeremy, 22

Grimace: “I have been enslaved by the man with the golden M for many years, forced to regurgitate my essence to feed a population needing placating, biding my time until the day when the ritual is complete and brave Zuzel rises to cleanse the world and defeat the ones below. “

“The market is really tough right now! Making sure you read each job description carefully is essential and there’s nothing wrong with calling up the hiring manager and asking what they want to see in an application. Your local McDonalds is also always hiring for many different roles, including our all new Grimace watch officer! Fortune favours the bold at McDonalds!”

“I think my neighbour is cheating on his wife, what should I do?” – *Concerned Neighbour*, 45

Grimace: “The decadence of man is not your downfall but your salvation. With each ritual of excess your time draws nearer to be released from the shackles of your minds and flesh and suffer the agony of freedom.”

“But in all seriousness I think it’s best to talk to the person directly without involving anyone else at first. Human relationships are a gem of many facets and you never know what kind of arrangements husbands and wives have. If he is cheating I can recommend a way to permanently deal with the problem. Maybe take your neighbour to your local McDonalds and discuss the matter over a cheeseburger!” 

“My grandkids are doing a weird TikTok after drinking your shakes, please explain?” – Pauline, 70

Grimace: “They practise the ancient rites of to appease the ones that sleep below Your young will fruitlessly deceive the old ones to avoid the sacrifice, little knowing they see all and your doom was written long ago, etched into the suffering of a thousand stars.”

“Young people are so creative aren’t they?! I must admit I’m a little old to be up on the TikTok trends, even when I had four arms in the 70’s I’m not sure I could have danced the way they do! At McDonalds, we’re all about kids so we encourage the youngsters to have fun with our food in a safe way, so we encourage all the kids to visit your local McDonalds and one of our friendly staff will help you make your content go ‘viral’.”