Business
The world’s richest man-baby, Elon Musk has announced he will purchase Foxtel from News Corp for $40 billion more than its market value.
Musk announced that Foxtel will be overhauled from the ground up, with plans to cut 90% of essential staff without warning and introducing an overly complicated verification to scare off any of the ‘weak willed’ advertisers.
“We’re going to be renaming it Xtel and we’d like you to no longer call it Foxtel as that’s very insulting to the name I’ve chosen”.
“We’ll also be introducing a new feature where you’ll pay a monthly subscription to be a verified user – no other streaming service in the world does that!” he said before inserting fingers into both ears and saying ‘La La La’ repeatedly.
Musk has also announced several new channels for Foxtel users, including HistoryX, ShowtimeMusk and an adults only channel called ElongMuskyXXX.
Outgoing Foxtel executives are reportedly hopeful Musk will try to back out of the deal at the last minute, stating they’ll probably make more money on the lawsuit than working for him.
