Bezos gifts Met Gala guests diamond encrusted piss bottles

Guy who answers the question ‘what if Bond villains had no charisma’, Jeff Bezos has graciously handed a personal gift to all people attending The MET Gala this year, with a diamond encrusted bottle for them to piss into as to not slow down the event.

This after Bezos bought his way into being an ‘honorary co-chair’ of the yearly fundraiser due to being the only way for him to ever be invited to a party.

Guests were also given a device to electronically monitor how fast they are moving to make sure they are never more than a minute behind their quota for photographer orders.

Reports suggest that Sabrina Carpenter had a two minute chat with a reporter leading to the singer to be ‘fired’ by Bezos and replaced with a more efficient robot.