2000
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General News
Communism vindicated by successful collective meeting
[Edition 25] NEWTOWN, Sunday: Tonight’s meeting of the Marxism-Leninism Now Collective demonstrated the continuing relevance and ultimate success of communist principles, according to the Collective’s Secretary, George Addison, 44. Comrade Addison, as he insists on being called, believes that the Collective’s meetings provide what he calls “a blueprint for tomorrow”.
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General News
Medical breakthrough: Suburban dentist to buy new magazines for waiting room
[Edition 25] GEELONG, Tuesday: There were scenes of jubilation today at the once plush suite of suburban dental wizz and local media identity Dr Peter Johns. The commotion followed the dentist’s shock decision to replace his popular collection of women’s magazines from the mid 1980s with a new suite of titles.
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World
Philippines garbage dump rescue effort finds two survivors, four working fridges
[Edition 25] MANILA, Tuesday: At least 161 people died last week when a Manila dump in the Patayas area collapsed, burying the inhabitants of a shanty town built among the rubbish. The Philippines Armed Forces launched a huge rescue mission in response, and are very pleased with the success of their efforts so far.
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National
Howard claims duty free booze ‘pretty much balanced up the cost of Centenary trip’
[Edition 25] CANBERRA, Wednesday: Prime Minister John Howard has launched a scathing attack on critics of his overseas trip celebrating the Centenary of the Federation of Australia. Releasing figures from Treasury Mr Howard has claimed that the trip was ‘pretty much revenue neutral’.
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Sport
UK: Dressage hooliganism on the rise
[Edition 24] LONDON, Thursday: More than 20 equestrian hooligans were arrested last night, after a violent riot at the All-England Showjumping trials in Oxfordshire, north of London. Police described it as one of the worst outbreaks of equestrian violence this year. The incident has already sparked grave security fears for next month’s national dressage titles.
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General News
HUMAN GENOME PROJECT WHISTLEBLOWER TELLS ALL: “We just made up the last 2300 million base pairs”
Will anyone really notice?
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General News Archive
Teenage Hackers Behind Shock Cabinet Reshuffle claims newly-appointed Minister For YoU BLOW GOATS
[Edition 24] CANBERRA, Thursday: Seasoned front-benchers and political greenhorns alike were joined in stunned surprise today, as a sudden Cabinet reshuffle radically altered the shape of the Federal Government. The reshuffle, blamed on a suspected computer security breach at the Federal Parliament’s IT facility at Belconnen, has resulted in a radical change in the balance…
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World Archive
Microsoft to split off its Norwegian Ice-Creamery business ‘This will truly break our monopoly’
[Edition 23] WASHINGTON, Monday: Microsoft responded this week to the US District Court’s order for submissions on how the company could be broken up two separate entities. Under Microsoft’s proposal, one half of the company will control its Windows operating system, Explorer web browser and various other computer applications, while the other will operate a…
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World Archive
Clinton-Putin summit fails to reach agreement on Star Wars: Putin slams prequel approach
[Edition 23] MOSCOW, Wednesday: The summit between the new President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, and US President Clinton has been hailed by both sides as “positive” despite a failure to come to a conclusion on the future of the controversial Star Wars project. Mr Putin argued on behalf of Russia that the United States should…
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National
Aussie transmitters to broadcast Christian messages to Asia, Muslims to retaliate with Cat Stevens
DARWIN, Sunday: The Australian Government has leased a former Radio Australia transmitter near Darwin to a British Christian fundamentalist group called Christian Voice. The group plans to use the transmitter to broadcast their Christian message to a predominantly Islamic South-East Asia, an area renown for religious tension. But Indonesia’s Muslim President Wahid has vowed to…