Ukraine “weeks away” from developing nuclear weapons, claims Putin

Russian president Vladimir Putin levelled major allegations against Ukraine, telling the US government that Ukraine is just “weeks away” from having a nuclear arsenal.

“We should all be afraid of what they are planning,” claimed Putin, “especially America. We hear that Ukraine plans to strike Mar-a-Lago!”

“It’s why Zelensky didn’t want to wear a suit to meet Trump, you don’t show respect to someone you are about to Nuke. And a tracksuit is way easier for quick changing into a hazmat suit if need be.”

In response to the allegations, Trump has announced that he has asked a Magic 8-Ball for advice on when to strike Ukraine, “in order to maintain peace”.