Trump thanks self for “single-handedly negotiating a ceasefire”


Donald Trump has graciously praised himself for arranging a ceasefire between Israel and Palestine, all by himself.

In a statement on Truth Social, Trump humbly admitted that he alone is the person to thank for the historic ceasefire, after he spent a spare afternoon tackling the problem.

“I just did what anyone else would do. No big deal,” said the 78-year-old. “Maybe a knighthood is fitting, but not if it’s a hassle.”

Parades are currently being held in honour of Donald “Middle East Peacemaker” Trump along the Gaza strip, with renditions of ‘God Bless The USA’ being sung from (what’s left of) rooftops by (what’s left of) Palestinian children.

As for how he was able to crack the deal? Tariffs.

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