Trump releases statement guaranteeing better school shootings if elected

Former US President Donald Trump has spoken at an NRA conference in Texas guaranteeing an improved level of school shootings under his presidency.

“All these people, these great wonderful people with their guns keep doing things wrong,” he said to a cheering crowd, “shootings have gotten so boring under sleepy Joe. The only shooting he likes is what Hunter Biden injects in the bathroom. But I will bring the best shooters, they all love me, they tell me I’m amazing. You just wait and see.”

The statement comes following the news that school shootings have increased under Biden, a statistic that insiders say Trump is worried about damaging his credibility with his voters. “As a country we have to be the best at everything which means our school shootings have to get better. Just look at other countries like Russia, where there are some really good laws, the best. When someone shoots up a school there you don’t even hear about it on the news that’s how good it is there. But soon America ”

“We’re going to give every teacher a gun, we’re going to have armed guards in the hall, we will even arm the students. Whatever we can to make the shootings more exciting. MAKE American Shooters Great Again!”