Putin agrees to ‘Netanyahu-style’ ceasefire

After months of defending his country from their unending attacks, President ‘Peacemaker’ Putin has agreed to a ceasefire deal he called the “Netanyahu Accords”.  

Putin said he would be willing to follow any ceasefire agreement based on the ceasefire ‘peace loving’ Israeli PM Benjamin Nentanyahu recently signed, as long as Russia gets to be the ‘Israel’ in the agreement.

“I love peace and want the war to end in precisely the same way that the war on Gaza has ended. With my enemies dead,” Putin said. 

“That’s why this Netanyahu-style ceasefire is such a good deal. Ukraine gets to sign a peace agreement, and I get to attack again in two months. Everyone wins.”

The President of Russia — which coincidentally now claims to include a tone of new territory —  has entered into peace talks with the US and Ukraine to explain his terms. However, not everyone has been so accepting of the deal. 

“Trump didn’t have any issues with my pitch for a ceasefire, naturally, but that Zelensky guy is a tough nut to crack.” said Putin. “Plus, when I said I want him to let me keep bombing his country, he didn’t even wear a suit. It was terribly offensive.”