Next Pope to be whichever cardinal manages to pass a Working with Children check

The search for a new Pope is expected to take several months, as the Vatican scrambles to find a Cardinal capable of passing a Working with Children Check.

The world will be waiting for white smoke to appear from the chimney above the Sistine Chapel to signify the election of a new Pope, with black smoke representing the symbolic burning of evidence.

The need to elect a new Pope comes following Pope Francis’ death, the second major religious figure to die over Easter weekend, however, this one is expected to be more permanent.

The Vatican has comforted Catholics around the world by stressing that the Pope is now in a much better place, as he is no longer required to meet with fuckwits like JD Vance.