Formerly beloved childrens author and recovering foot-in-mouth sufferer J.K Rowling has today made the latest in her ongoing series of pointless revelations about her seemingly finished books, with a shock twist that has left fans speechless. Talking to fans today at the launch of her latest novel, JK Rowling confirmed that Voldemort was just a figurehead in the stories and that she, JK Rowling, is the true villain of the series.
The theory has been floating around the internet for quite some time now, originally being posted on Tumblr around the time that JK suggested that Hermione was actually black and everyone else was just too racist to pick up on her lack of clues. However the alternative reading really gained traction after the self-proclaimed ‘proud TERF’ announced a crime novel in which the villain is biologically male but claims to be female in order to kill women in places men shouldn’t be.
“There have been hints of it throughout the entire series,” said Rose, a 30-year-old philosophy major who still bases her entire personality around a children’s novel. “At first we based it on the racist tropes throughout the entire series. I mean if there is a hurtful lazy stereotype that exists, it is probably in the series at some point. All of that has been really obvious the entire time but we were ok with overlooking that because the series is all about being who you are and standing up to bigotry, a message we clearly all took into our lives.”
“Recently thought there have been things Rowling has said and done in real life that suggested there might have been a second, hidden villain pulling the strings. Clearly Rowling is doing a massive modern art performance and the world is her stage. I mean handing back a humanitarian award so she can be free to attack a marginalised group, that’s only things a fictional villain would do.”
In response JK Rowling has hit back against the theory, saying that it’s all a misunderstanding. “No no no no, you’ve got me all wrong, I love trans people!” explained JK. “It’s just I think they are making it up because they want to be bullied, and that they’re all just autistic kids who are being abused into believing they are something they aren’t and as such don’t deserve rights. See, I’m not evil at all!”
Fans responded to this statement saying it “is exactly what she would say if the theory is true. Plus, her subtly dropping a dig at autistic people too like that was pure art. She’s really perfectly captured the evil villain character.”