Mexico closes border to fleeing Americans

The Mexican government has taken a hardline stance against undocumented immigrants by closing its borders following a flood of women, queer people, skilled migrants and Biden supporters fleeing political persecution.

“They’re coming into our country in droves,” said Mexican president Claudia Pardo, “they’re eating the hot dogs, they’re eating the Catalina beans! It’s got to stop!”

The announcement came after the incoming US President began signing every executive order his white supremacist cabinet put under his nose, including several that violate human rights.

President Pardo says that stringent measures will be put in place for illegal Americans and has sent armed guards to deter illegal crossings. When asked if she would separate migrant families she replied “No, we’re not monsters”.

The largest demographic seen crossing the border has been Gen Zs who heard Mexico had no plans to get rid of TikTok.