Incoming US A-G Matt Gaetz opposes social media ban so he can DM Aussie teens

Guy who is happy to learn the White House is not within 500m of a school, Matt Gaetz has come out against Labor’s controversial teen social media ban, saying that it will affect his plans to dm minors.

“This is an attack on free speech,” said Gaetz, “not the teens or whoever experts are concerned about. I’m talking about my free speech. Who am I meant to allegedly ask to cross state lines now?”

Gaetz was however relieved to hear that his favourite dark web sites will not be required to give ID.

In response to his statements, Australian teens offered a compromise to the bill, where instead of banning teenagers, we save the internet by banning all politicians and anyone who has a ‘creepy uncle’ vibe.