Epstein connection disqualifies Prince Andrew from royal titles, qualifies him for US Presidency

Former Duke of York and ex-sweater Prince Andrew has been sensationally stripped of his royal titles due to allegations surrounding his friendship with notorious paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, but has also dramatically boosted his chances of becoming the next President of the United States.

“Sure, it was disappointing to lose the ‘Duke of York’ title,” Andrew said, “but it turns out in one of the former colonies, America, I can finally be King!”

Tabloids have declared that Andrew’s connection to Epstein is undoubtedly been the worst thing to befall the Royal Family since Prince Harry married someone who was on Suits.

While US President Donald Trump’s own ties to the convicted sex offender are considered to be the most damaging scandal to hit his administration since mid-last week.