Compromise: Trump offers Greenland to Russia

Master deal negotiator Donald Trump has found a potential solution to the war in Ukraine by offering Putin Greenland as a consolation prize.

This offer came after Ukrainian President Zelenskyy didn’t want to go with Trump’s original plan of giving up large amounts of Ukraine to Russia for the low price of giving America billions worth of natural resources.

“I didn’t want to disappoint Vlad,” said Trump, “he is a man of great honour who always thanks me unlike that dictator Zelenskyy. Vlad says I’m a great negotiator. I don’t just kiss the ring, I make out with out. Some say I’m the best ring kisser in the world. A lot of people say that. A lot of people actually.”

“If Vlad doesn’t just want the grassy fields that earned Greenland its name, he can also have Canada too. It’s cold like Russia and they talk funny there as well, it’s a perfect fit.”

Leaders from both Canada and Denmark have been spotted screaming into pillows for an hour.