Andrew evicted from Royal Lodge, moves into the Vatican

Former sweating Prince turned non-sweating civilian Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has finally been evicted from the royal lodge, a short seven years after it became extremely obvious he had to go.  

“We didn’t want to rush into kicking him out. We only ostracise members of our family for extremely serious offences like being a black woman,” King Charles explained.

Andrew however has landed on his feet by finding another powerful institution committed to not asking any follow-up questions about horrific historical allegations, and has moved into the Vatican.

“It’s nice to go somewhere I won’t be judged,” he said, “a place where I’ll just fit right in.”

“Although it will take a bit of adjustment to stay in the landlocked Vatican, I’m far more used to spending time on an island.”

Reports suggest that he has been welcomed him with open arms at the Vatican, with officials giving him a tour of the city and the parish they are ready to move him to if the FBI ever come looking for him.