The NRL has agreed that nobody should explain to Sam Burgess what those words and pictures in the newspaper and on the television mean. Questions from Burgess about the green molecule blob, crowded hospitals and pictures of big boats have been met with silence or deflection in an effort to keep him in the dark.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, Steve ‘Blocker’ Roach said “If Sam’s in the room and coronavirus comes on the TV we try and turn it off before he sees it. If he gets a look and asks us what the words mean we just make something up. Yesterday he saw a picture of the coronavirus molecule and we told him it was an advert for apples.

“He thinks the cruise ships are all having a birthday party. It’s pointless worrying him with the truth.”

Roach continued “We’re appealing to the community not to tell Sam about coronavirus or any of the related other stuff.”

The sport’s governing body unanimously passed the resolution, which is in place for at least the next 90 days or until the NRL island is up and running and they can pretend to Burgess that they’ve all just won a free holiday.