Nation’s productivity reaches 0 which is hopefully also England’s score tonight

Economists around the country have raised concerns after a complete stop in productivity of Australian workers today while an entire nation is distracted by tonight’s Matildas game.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” said one economist while hoping no-one sees him scrolling the Matildas Instagram feed, “productivity has actually hit zero. Which, fingers crossed, is how many goals the poms will hit tonight.”

“They may as well have made today a public holiday, literally no work has be done anywhere.”

“All around the country we are seeing sights of people day dreaming about the Matildas, writing their will in case they have a heart attack if it goes to penalties again, and praying to brick walls they think are Mackenzie Arnold.”

“Even the most insecure men have completely stopped their productivity, not to praise the team, more to make sure they complain about how much they ‘don’t care’ about women’s sport in the comments of every single post on the internet. All ten of them are getting as loud as they can, while getting drowned out by the cheers for the girls.”

This fall in productivity has also hit political satirists who are struggling to think about anything else, with Chaser writer John Delmenico telling his editor, “look to be honest a politician could have killed someone for all I know, I didn’t check. You know the game is on tonight right?”

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