The Chaser’s guide to talking to men

Helping you talk to men who just dont get it

This week there have been an exhausting amount of conversation about all the problems with men.

While it’s tempting to just tell them to fuck off, the problem is that they’ll probably murder you if you take this approach. Instead, here are some phrases you can use when they use the following key phrases:

He says: “NOT ALL MEN!”

Your response: “That is correct but when people say ‘men’ in this context it’s similar to how when one of your friends says ‘women’ you all know he doesn’t literally mean every single woman.”

“Should dog trainers also not talk about dogs pissing on carpets because some dogs don’t piss on carpets?”

“However, you yelling ‘not all men’ every time a woman tries to talk about men not respecting women, does go to great lengths to prove her point.”

He says: “Well I would never treat a woman like that”

Your response: “Great, fantastic, you have cleared the lowest of bars. Give yourself a little pat on the back, and please for the love of all things do not ask any woman to pat you on the back for not hitting a woman.”

“Now here’s a little known fact for you, other men exist in the world. Shocking, I know. But now you see that is where the problem lies, can we please get back to talking about the problem instead of you?”

He says: “Other violence exists.”

Your response: “Yes and if you just listen to any of the experts talking about gendered violence, they talk about that too.”

“But when a ship has a massive hole and another smaller hole, both leaking water, do you just stand in the way of the big hole when people go to patch it saying that we shouldn’t do anything about the leaks cause 2 holes exist?”

“Cause we can just try and patch both holes instead of being really annoying.”

He says: “How can women choose the bear over men?”

Your response: “Are you seriously getting mad about that meme, after everything that has been going on? Really?”

“Have you considered that instead of getting defensive you could try listening to why they would pick a bear over a random man in a would you rather? Because if you did you would hear things men do that are worth getting angry at instead because right now you just really seem like you are only here to start an argument… Gahh… I said I wouldn’t tell you to fuck off…”

“Sorry, what I meant to say is have you tried therapy?”

Just employ these easy tricks or share this with a male friend who is ‘an ally’ so he can read it himself… to learn how to talk to his friends of course. And soon we can finally, for the first time ever, move past the ‘we should start having this conversation’ phase of getting shit done.


John Delmenico

Man whisperer

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