If you vote for us, we will buy you a pizza

Hey Queenslanders,

Your Premier Steven Miles here to say that with the election on the horizon we are feeling completely desperate. 

While some may say that desperation ahead of a predicted loss is ‘not a good sign’, we think this is an opportunity because as we all know a Labor government is one that does good things, when we think we have royally screwed our re-election chances.

This is why we recently announced policies like building new houses and cheap public transport. Two of our best ideas from the part of the Labor platform we keep in a protective case marked, “In case of emergency, break glass”.

Since those policies haven’t had the effect on the polls that we had hoped, I am excited to announce our new slogan:

“Fuck it, if you vote for us, you get a free pizza!”

That’s right. If we get back into Parliament, we promise to hold a giant state-wide pizza party. That sounds fun right?

Not only will it be free pizza, but we will also make it a public holiday. Who doesn’t love public holidays?

Actually you know what? Two public holidays. Every year.

And I will ban homework.

Plus, we will launch an education program for all your co-workers to teach them how to not hit ‘reply all’ on company wide emails. How’s that sound?

You know what? Fine! I’ll even wash your car!

Me personally. I will come to your house and wash the your car. Inside and out. If you want, you can even pick the outfit I wear while doing it.

Just please, don’t vote Liberal Party. I only just got this job and I don’t want to lose it.

Sincerely begging,

Steven Miles

Premier of Queensland

More Newsletters

---