The Chaser Weakly
How to be respected at 7News
Issue #289
• Posted
Guest writer Kerry Stokes on the allegations that 7 has ‘cultural issues’.
Dear Australia,
It’s Kerry Stokes here to address the ridiculous allegations that our company has a ‘culture problem’. I know I don’t need to because who could possibly think that Channel 7 has any issues with our culture. But I feel that I should anyway.
At Channel 7, we strive to bring the best news coverage in the country. In doing so expect nothing but the highest quality journalists, astrologists and racists that money can buy.
And we offer great benefits to our teams. I mean what we admittedly may lack in ‘a living wage’, we more than make up for in cocaine and ‘massages’.
Most tabloid companies only offer the cocaine.
Clearly the real problem we have is with people who do not align with our values. Of course I am referring to the snitches who tell the truth when on the stand or blab to 4Corners.
To those who feel the need to talk about our internal issues, I urge you to remember that Channel 7 is a family. And like with a real family, you don’t go around telling everyone about your creepy uncle do you?
If you want to thrive in our family, you just need to fit in. So just make sure not to be a woman, disabled or a person of colour.
Instead earn our respect by being an alleged war criminal, rapist or a man in a cow costume.
Most of all, just be a loyal hard working member of the team who knows how to shut the fuck up.
Your friend,
Kerry Stokes
Seven West Media Chairman and Premier of WA