The staff of Scott Morrison have given him a new trophy to put on his desk, replacing the old one which depicted a small boat, and the slogan, “I stopped these”.
The trophy is now of the Ruby Princess cruiseliner, and reads, “But I didn’t stop this.”
The Ruby Princess allowed 2700 passengers to disembark on Friday, even though several passengers had coronavirus. The passengers are now considered a public health risk and have been instructed to self-quarantine for 14 days.
Speaking last night about his failure to stop the Ruby Princess passengers from disembarking, Mr Morrison said he only dealt harshly with boats when they contained brown, poor people who pose a fictional threat. “Most of the passengers on board the Ruby Princess were white and well-heeled. It didn’t even occur to me they’d pose a threat.”
“You’ve got to understand, my entire stop the boats policy was to prevent Australia from a completely made-up threat. We just weren’t prepared for an actual, real threat coming ashore by boat.”
But Mr Morrison refused to apologise, and said his policy on boats was unwavering. “We decide which infected people come to our country and the circumstances in which they infect everyone.”
The Chaser Quarterly