Coalition denies WFH policy will negatively impact women, “they can still do the ironing”

In an election promise ripped straight from Elon Musk’s wet-dream journal, the Coalition has pledged to force all public servants to return to the office full-time.

Though the prospect of stripping away workplace flexibility from federal staff appeals to many 2GB callers, the policy is being criticised by one small group of voters called “women”.

In response to criticism that their policy will disproportionately impact half the population, the Coalition decided to get on the front foot by explaining that all decisions were made in consultation with former Minister for Women Tony Abbott.

“We’ve looked into the matter, and realised that women will not be unfairly affected by our office return policy,” explained Peter Dutton, “because they’ll still be able to do the ironing at home.”

“Additionally, we will allow workplace flexibility for any dishes that need to be washed. Same goes for any sandwiches that need to be made for husbands/boyfriends/sons.”

The Liberal Party clarified there will be some exemptions to the rule, explaining that any woman returning who doesn’t always smile, denies shoulder rubs, or tries to report harassment will be forced to return to working from home permanently.