Voldemort distances self from Peter Dutton

While Peter Dutton is left wishing he had one more Horcrux, Voldemort has released a statement distancing himself from the former Liberal Party leader.

This comes as the dark lord who dedicated his life to hurting others in a relentless pursuit of power lost the Australian election.

“I hate being associated with him,” said Voldemort, “I know my life’s work was defeated by a child, but the loss that he just suffered was truly embarrassing.”

“I want everyone to stop thinking of me when you think of him, it is really hurtful. I have feelings too you know.”

Voldemort has reportedly gone off to do some soul searching to figure out who he is at his core.

“I’ve already lost my standing as the main villain of the Harry Potter series to JK Rowling, and now I’m no longer the most hated man who looks like you air-fried Ralph Fiennes for an hour.”