Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has scheduled a press conference this afternoon to express his intention to attain a duel citizenship with any country that would have him, so that he could “bravely take the high road and resign as Prime Minister. Sign off with a whimper and let Tony run this country into the ground.”
Stating that he was keeping a range of options on the table, the Prime Minister and alleged Liberal party leader even refused to rule out accepting a citizenship from minor countries like Nauru. “Just think, if I was a citizen of Nauru I could work as a lobbyist for their detention centres. I might even be able to get them more Australian asylum seekers sent there, after all I know a lot of people in the Australian government, and I’m sure if I greased a few palms and called in a few favours I could pull off something like that. No promises, mind you, but it’s possible.”
Mr Turnbull also expressed his jealousy of other MPs who had been wrongly elected. “Ludlam and Larissa got lucky and managed to find a dignified way out of this mess. I can’t wait to move to somewhere like New Zealand or Syria, just to get away from this god-awful NBN if nothing else.”
Turnbull has spent this week attempting to talk to the members of his party, although according to inside sources apparently many party members were seen repeatedly putting their fingers in their ears and screaming “We can’t hear you” every time Turnbull tried to speak.
When questioned about the disobedience of his party members Turnbull stated, that he has also been looking at the many French challets listed online for less than the price of a two bedroom Sydney apparentment. “That’s a very enticing prospect,” said Turnbull. “I could finally live out my dream of being king of the castle, at least then i’ll have some real power and control. I mean you know, when Lucy’s out of the house.”
The Chaser Quarterly