As 2020 comes to an end, a local man has expressed relief that next year will definitely ‘have to be better’ depsite the fact that this is the fifth year in a row that he has expressed that sentiment.
What started as a whimsical thought after the dog’s breakfast that was 2016, has now become a yearly tradition for Ashwin Patel of Burwood.
“This has to have been the worst year I can remember, I mean this is so crazy. There is absolutely no way it could get any worse,” Mr Patel said back in 2016, and ever year subsequently.
“I can’t think of a year that has that has felt so hopeless. I mean climate change is causing the earth to try and kill us but politicians aren’t doing enough to stop it, there was so much sickness, there has been a rise in far-right white supremacist terror, conspiracy theories ran rampant on social media, the media keeps shaming activists fighting racial inequality while inviting racists to speak only worsening the discussions, Trump is a politician now for some reason, Brexit still hasn’t finished yet somehow, the wealth gap increased, tv is basically all terrible dramas or reality tv, rich old people refuse to take young people seriously, most movies are just dogshit cashgrabs, politics and the media is still all run by a bunch of old straight white men, and pretty much every celebrity I admire turned out to be either racist, a sex offender, a paedo or dead. Also, my friend Alice had a bunch of relationship drama the poor thing, it just wasn’t her year,” said Mr Patel back in 2016. Since then, he said the exact same words at the end of each year. “I swear it can’t get any worse than 2016/2017/2018/2019/2020. There is no way the universe can allow next year to be worse than this year.”
In response to the calls for a better year next year, the universe said nothing as it is a vast expanse and not a living thing that has thoughts, the ability to plan, know what a year is or care who the fuck we are or what happens to us.
However, experts say that despite the overwhelming evidence that nothing will improve in the new year, puppies still exist for the time being and they are still fun.
“I mean, it’s not like we’re going to see the total extermination of puppies in 2021,” said one expert. “Surely?”
Mr Patel said that he believes 2021 will break the losing streak. “It has to be better. I mean, it doesn’t hurt to be optimistic, right? What kind of asshole would bring everyone’s mood down during this time of year? That would be a dick move.”
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