Retail worker has ears removed in preparation for onslaught of Christmas music

Retail workers across the nation have today staged a mass walkout from their work, claiming they have been subjected to unworkable conditions, following the fifth straight day of nonstop Christmas covers being blasted over supermarket’s speakers. “As if the store radio wasn’t bad enough already,” said one traumatised employee holding a placard outside a local store, “but this last week has clearly crossed the safe Bublé exposure level of once dose every 12 years.” “I swear, if I hear one more Mariah Carey song I’m going to eat one of the 8 year old cheeses from the back of the fridge in an attempt to end it all.” Other Woolworths employees report they have suffered a doubly cruel measure of both Christmas carols and terrible children singing in what can only be described as the worst thing HR has done to staff since stealing all their wages. Representatives for the shoppers union the SDA said they will fight to have the music banned from stores by January, even if it means stripping all benefits from employees to make it happen.

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