General News
The Reserve Bank of Australia has announced drastic reforms today including a major sacrifices like limiting the amount of taxpayer funded $25k lunches to only eight per year.
“People think we’re all a bunch of wealthy out-of-touch boomers,” said soon to be ex-RBA chief Phillip Lowe, “so we’re committed to proving that we understand the problems the riff raff face, who we’ve been reliably informed are not able to afford caviar tastings on yachts every week. Times really must be tough.”
“These new changes will also meant that a large chunk of my work will be outsourced, but don’t worry Australia, my million a year salary is secure. I’m personally quite excited to have someone do most of my work who will cop the blame when things go wrong, it’ll be like having my own personal millennial scapegoat. I wonder if he likes avocado toast?”
Other reforms will include the appointment of a chief operating officer, only allowing one mansion on a special low interest rate at a time and limiting executives to first class tickets for overseas lunches instead of private jets.
“Decision making is a delicate balance,” said Treasurer Chalmers still full from a taxpayer funded 6 course meal with fossil fuel executives, “we need to make sure to draw as much attention away from the main causes of inflation without causing to much pressure on those who are struggling the most, our donors.”
