Local Dad severely overestimating own ability to assemble bike

Christmas Day has deteriorated into scenes of aggression and acrimony after local dad, Nate Smith, mistakenly thought a 10-speed mountain bike would be just as easy to build as the child’s BMX he put together 8 years ago.

“No no, I don’t need the instructions, I built our shed after all!” he said, visibly sweating. “All you need to do is carefully sort out the parts into little piles and the entire thing will make sense. It’s not rocket science. Hang on, what the hell is this thing?” he said, pulling a large-coiled spring from the box.

Smith’s entire extended family stopped all other post-lunch activities, and started watching the frustrated father for six hours this afternoon. He is reported to have swiftly deflected all enquiries on his progress.

“Hey, do you want it done properly or not at all? I think you should be thanking me for spending a little of my Christmas Day making sure you can ride your new bike,” he said before excusing himself to “go to the bathroom” whereupon wails of ugly crying were heard for the next seven minutes.

Smith has reportedly last been seen loading the mangled half assembled bike into the family station wagon, muttering about how assembly fees are extortion and asking Siri if K-Mart was open today.

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