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“Gladys said you can see your romantic partner” says LNP staffer off to buy a desk

As many around the country have questioned the choices by the Berejiklian government as to which businesses have been deemed ‘essential’ to stay open during lockdown, a representative for the LNP has slammed the claim that Nick Scali furniture and stores like it should be closed. They explained that the decision has nothing to do with the guidelines surrounding which stores should stay open to sell essential needs, instead they have remained open in line with the rules regarding visiting your romantic partner to relieve sexual needs, specifically the office section of the stores.

“It’s date night baby,” said one staffer on his way to see his favourite desk, “I’m so excited. I’ve been cooped up at home all week and I am excited to be able to unwind and unload all over a brand new desk. I’m glad Gladys understands the trials and tribulations of love, poor thing if only desks were her type instead of corrupt businessmen and politicians.”

Of course furniture stores aren’t the only bizarre shop to be open that many think shouldn’t, stationary stores like Officeworks are still open but once again the staffer has clarified that they too are open due to the romance rules as “it is the perfect place to get your partner a gift that it can wear like a pen holder.”

“To anyone at home who wants to meet up with their partners please remember to bring protection. I’ve got my face mask but covid isn’t the only thing to worry about, that’s why I’ve also got protection with me in the form of some gloves and disinfectant wipes. You don’t want to end up in a sticky situation without protection. That’s how you contract a splinter.”



John Delmenico
WRITTEN BY

twitter: @thebigjohnnyd

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