Australia Day to be moved to Scott Morrison’s resignation day

In calendar news, Australia Day is officially changing date after this year and will no longer be celebrated on January 26th. With a new date of January 20th chosen instead in order to celebrate the day that Scott Morrison announced his departure from politics.

The day was reportedly chosen for the holiday as it was clearly the day that Australia has most come together to celebrate, like what Australia Day claims to be.

“It is the only day I have ever seen no one protesting in Canberra,” said a government official, “I mean even the Qanon guys didn’t want to storm Parliament House for his return, everyone just seemed happy he was gone. To see the nation come together like that was truly special.”

The new date will also see the ‘traditions’ of the day changing to recognise the new history, with Southern Cross Tattoo’s being replaced with images of Grace Tame’s side-eye and Australian flags at barbeques being replaced with burning ukuleles.