Sandilands on leave, Sheargold secures ‘Top Radio Fuckwit’ spot

In radio ratings news, no one’s favourite Fisk cast member Marty Sheargold has topped the toughly contested category of ‘Biggest Fuckwit’ on Aussie radio, while Kyle Sandilands is on sick leave after an aneurysm wanted to be removed from him.

Sheargold secured this position through a misogynistic rant that, like his jokes on Have You Been Paying Attention, felt over 30 years old.

The rant was targeting the Matildas following two losses while playing without a coach, wherein Sheargold suggested that its why he only cares about men’s sport; despite never ‘joking’ about only wanting to watch women’s sport the uncountable amount of times the Socceroos have lost.

Sheargold said that he would rather hammer a nail through his penis than talk about women’s sport, a sentiment that many listeners agreed with as they would also rather Sheargold hammer a nail through his penis than hear him talk about women’s sport.

Sheargold commemorated his new position in traditional form for a radio fuckwit, by putting out a half-assed non-apology that his station made him give in the hopes of not losing sponsors.