Drake asks if Melbourne can go back into lockdown

Rapper on life support, Drake, has called on the Victorian government to put the city of Melbourne back into lockdown for the rest of his visit.

This comes as his plan to go half-way across the world to avoid the SuperBowl failed as Australians also wanted to tune in to the dominant and violent display, referring of course to Kendrick Lamar’s half-time show.

Drake said he began feeling physical ill around the point that Samuel L Jackson came out, but felt the spread of the performance became too dangerous about the time that Serena Williams was on stage dancing to ‘Not Like Us’ while a stadium of people screamed ‘A-Minor’.

Drake also enquired about moving to Melbourne full time to stay away from Kendrick, and stay closer to Australia’s famous defamation laws.