World Archive

  • World Archive

    Bin Laden captured after checking-in on Foursquare

    Al-Qaeda leader and amateur short filmmaker Osama bin Laden has been captured after ‘checking-in’ to a local butcher.

  • World Archive

    New Zealand moves 30cm closer to Australia, applies for dole

    A recent earthquake has shifted New Zealand 30cm closer to Australia, the second phase of a long-term plan to connect the two islands and their social security systems. The first phase of the plan, where New Zealanders were sent to Australia to seek welfare assistance one by one, has given way to a more expansive,…

  • World Archive

    Gary Gygax fails saving throw vs heart attack

    Although official reports have blamed a heart attack, archmage Mordenkainen is claiming responsibility and demanding experience points for the kill.

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    Blair exit ends 28 years of conservative rule

    “Maybe now we’ll see some power returned to trade unions, welfare reform and a government that isn’t in lockstep with Republican warmongers.”

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    Saddam sentenced to death: to be released onto streets of Baghdad

    “If the bombs don’t get him, there’s a strong chance Saddam will fall victim to American friendly fire.”

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    Cheney to be greeted with weak-ticker-tape parade

    Tight security will be in place to protect civilians in the event of Mr Cheney firing on them.

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    Iran gets nukes: US invades Iraq again

    The United States has warned Iran that unless it suspends its uranium enrichment program, there would be severe consequences – for Iraq. “We do not need to remind the Iranian leadership that we will attack Iraq on the flimsiest of premises. We warn them not to give us such a premise.”  Senior Pentagon officials pointed…

  • World Archive

    Pope’s Easter message sends goodwill to all except gays, abortionists, Dan Brown

    Pope Benedict XI has delivered his first Easter message, following Catholic tradition by issuing a heavily qualified call for peace and understanding in the world. “Easter is a time to remember Jesus’ love for the whole of humanity,” the Pope said from St Peter’s Basilica, “without forgetting that homosexuality is an abomination and abortion leads…

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    Japanese whalers defend Greenpeace collision “for research purposes”

    The captain of the Japanese whaling ship, Nisshin Maru, has defended his actions during a collision with the Greenpeace-owned vessel, Arctic Sunrise as being undertaken “purely for research purposes” as part of an ongoing program to establish whether a more institutionalised cull of activitists may be needed.

  • World Archive

    Saddam pleads not guilty to mass murder, then orders execution of judges and their families

    The show trial of Saddam Hussein has begun in Bahgdad. The Special Tribunal began its hearing two weeks early because judges feared there would not be time to get through all the evidence before Saddam’s execution on 18 December this year. Charged with the murder and torture of 148 Shiites in Dujail in 1982, Saddam…