General News

[Edition 78] With his recent elevation to being head of BSkyB, James Murdoch has become the new favourite to take over the reigns of his father’s empire and run it into the ground.

[Edition 67] The aging Pontiff spoke enthusiastically about the possibilities of the new plan. “We need to make children bumbling social lepers who do their clothes shopping at Target and K-Mart, play Dungeons and Dragons, and dob in their neighbours for watering between 8am and 8pm,” said the aging Pontiff. “We should be encouraging anything…

[Edition 66] Searching for love beyond the blonde, beautiful, slim, young, upwardly-mobile, well-travelled and adoring demographic will increase the Ryde claims administrator’s chance of forming a successful partnership by up to 99.93%, the Macquarie University study found.

[Edition 66] The CIA will offer recruits extensive training and millions of dollars worth of high-tech weapons systems in return for a promise to develop their organisation into a full-blown terrorist organisation capable of attacking the United States in the agreed year 2014.

[Edition 63] BYRON BAY, Tuesday: Since childfree couple Kelly and Don Walker wrote their book No More Sprogs: Childless by Choice eight months ago, they haven’t had much time for their favourite pastimes: hang-gliding and dancing.

[Edition 60] When a friend from work suggested that she come along with him to watch a local NSL game, she declined the invitation, nervously citing “another engagement.”

[Edition 59] The cultured teen said he liked to fantasize in front of the mirror, pretending he was playing first bassoon in one of Europe’s major concert halls. He said he thought blowing into an imaginary woodwind reed, in addition to its escapism value, was a wonderful way to release pent-up teenage angst.

[Edition 56] SYDNEY, Friday: A man describing himself as a passionate masturbator has admitted that he spiked his own drink with the drug rohypnol in order to have his way with himself.