Woolworths warns of further price rises due to potential inflation of profits 

Supermarket giant which has seen record profits every year of the cost-of-living crises, Woolworths has told the media they will soon be left with no choice but to raise prices yet again due to inflation of profits.

The CEO warned of a ‘modest inflation’ in grocery prices, while releasing a report bragging that sales are barely dropping, thanks to food being a thing humans need to survive.

“Costs are rising everywhere,” said CEO Amanda Bardwell, “from petrol to caviar, that’s why we have to be real with everyone and say that it will get more expensive.”

“But for every one cent that prices go up for fuel, we pledge to add another 99c price increase to raise money for the ‘Yachts for Board Members’ fund.”

Next week Coles is predicted to ‘coincidentally’ announce their own price rises that will match Woolworths’ before having a ‘sale’ for one week, then Woolworths will go on sale, then Coles…