Trump announces Pay-Per-View stoning of Nobel Peace Prize panel

US President Donald Trump has announced a special broadcast where he will be stoning the Nobel Peace Prize panel to death, for the crime of not giving him the award.

The footage will be available live around the world, accompanied by the music of Jake Paul’s “It’s Everyday Bro”.

“This will be the greatest show on earth,” said Trump, “a show with the greatest host ever, me, have you seen The Apprentice? I was great in that. A lot of people say I deserved to win an Emmy every year for that show. A lot of people. Maybe we start executing the Emmy’s people too? I don’t know. Could be fun.”

The White House said the broadcast will be live from inside the Oval Office and become a yearly event until the President gets a Nobel Peace Prize.