Mitch McConnell returns after stealing Lindsey Graham’s life force

Shocking scenes in America as Mitch McConnell has had a sudden recovery in hospital after successfully deploying dark magic to drain Lindsey Graham of his remaining life force.

“The ritual has been completed” cackled McConnell after posing for his weekly ‘proof of life’ posts required to be able to make decisions on the future of America.

UPDATE: McConnell has been readmitted to hospital and has asked for privacy at this time, as well as a visit from any Republican they can find who isn’t as old as Lindsey Graham was.