2001
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Sport
Selectors drop Slater from Orange mobile phone ad
[Edition 47] SYDNEY, Tuesday: Former test cricketer Michael Slater has been dropped from the Orange mobile phone advertisement, after selectors became concerned about his recent performance.
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Entertainment Archive
Yoko Ono slams Beatle death as derivative
[Edition 47] LONDON, Tuesday: Yoko Ono, the widow of John Lennon, has criticised former Beatle George Harrison for attempting to cash in on the legacy of John Lennon. Harrison, 58, died this week at his home in Los Angeles, following a brief battle with cancer and a long battle with Yoko Ono.
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General News
Woman still not finished ham from last year’s Xmas
[Edition 47] ADELAIDE, Thursday: An Adelaide housewife plans to serve last year’s Christmas ham again, hopeful that none of her Yuletide guests will notice it’s a 12-month-old leftover. The woman said she’s had great difficulty using the old ham up, despite her disciplined daily rigmarole of ham sandwiches. She said she’s even been adding ham…
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World Archive
‘War against terror’ episode of Friends helps New York to finally heal
[Edition 47] NEW YORK, Tuesday: Former Mayor of New York Rudolph Giuliani has thanked the writers and actors of Friends for their decision to deal with the issue of the war on terrorism in a special episode of the glib US sitcom.
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General News Archive
Filmgoer upset to learn Lantana “not a forbidden dance”
[Edition 47] MELBOURNE, Sunday: An elderly man in an anorak was yesterday disappointed to discover that the Australian film “Lantana” does not revolve around an arousing illicit dance.
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General News
Greens “quietly unconfident” of forming government
[Edition 46] HOBART, Monday: A leaked memo from a senior member of the Greens reveals the party is unconfident of winning government on November 10. The memo exposes massive self-doubt in the Greens ranks about the viability of seizing power.
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World Archive
Patriot strikes back against terrorists with witty email
[Edition 46] SEATTLE, Monday: Local computer aficionado Jeremy Williams sent all of his friends an amusing photo today as part of his effort to defeat terrorism against the United States.
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World
US Defence Dept reassures Americans: “The President is not in control”
[Edition 46] WASHINGTON D.C., Wednesday: The Secretary of Defence, Mr Donald Rumsfeld has reassured the American people that at no time during the crisis will President George W. Bush be in control.
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News
WORLD TRADE CENTER JANITOR DECLARES: “Best sickie ever”
NEW YORK, Tuesday: Manhattan janitor Geoff Lahti has declared his decision not to attend work at the World Trade Centre on Tuesday morning as “a pretty good one in hindsight.” “It was always going to be a great day for a sickie with that Gilligan’s Island marathon on cable,” said Lahti. “But the whole ‘devastating…
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General News
AMERICA PLANS PAYBACK: New Adam Sandler movie to be sent to Middle East
[Edition 45] KABUL, Thursday: The first signs of US retaliation were spotted in the Afghanistan capital of Kabul this morning, when a fresh print of a new Adam Sander film was presented for widespread release.