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War Criminal downgraded to just ‘diplomat’ in media reports following his death

Shock news around the world as War Criminal Henry Kissinger died in his family home, after tragically not dying years earlier.

As outlets around the world prepare his obituary, editorial staff have been sending out letters telling journalists what terms are and aren’t appropriate when talking about the evil fuck in an effort to not hurt the dead war criminal’s feelings in a way that would make countries question their own war crimes.

“We know he was one of the greatest war criminals of all time,” wrote the editors for every mainstream outlet in a joint statement, “but the best way to handle this is to just focus on the ‘greatest’ part.”

“For example, instead of talking about bombings Vietnam that caused the war to escalate, talk about how he won a Nobel Peace Prize for negotiating down the escalations in the war.”

“Just use that passive tone we always strive for when discussing war crimes that leaves people not questioning who did them. Who knows, maybe those bombs just magically appeared in Cambodia?”

“A man has died and we need to respect that by ignoring the countless other lives that came to a violent end due to his actions. Once we ignore the bad stuff he did, we can all feel better about painting him as a ‘controversial’ hero.”

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