RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola

Future Trump cabinet member and embarrassment to the ‘brain eaten by worm’ community, Robert F Kennedy Jr has announced his first action in his new role will be to get cocaine back into Coca-Cola.

“It’s time to bring normalcy back to food and drink regulation,” said the man who has told weekly stories about things he did to animals which sound like a cutaway gag from Family Guy.

“When I was having a drink of coke with the Trump family, I was thinking about how much healthier things were when I was young. Then I saw Don Jr go to the bathroom reaching into his pockets, and I remembered that the coke I was having was missing a special ingredient.”

RFK didn’t stop there, also announcing a return of lead based paints and giving children alcohol to help go to sleep.