Israel claims Hamas base was located inside dead journalist

Following the death of yet another journalist covering Gaza, the Israeli government has announced that there was a secret Hamas base inside the body of the journalist.

“We simply had no other choice,” said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, “we need to take out Hamas wherever they may be hiding, and that includes inside the bodies of journalists.”

“The real people who should be blamed for our bomb hitting the journalist’s house is Hamas. It’s despicable that the terrorist organisation keeps hiding inside of journalists. And the families of the journalists. And their houses. And their offices. So we are forced to blow them all up, can never be too careful you know?”

“But it is important to know that we warn the journalists and their families before blowing them up, because we want to reduce civilian causalities. We warned them just before we blew up the place we said they could escape to. But I mean who knows how many terrorists were hiding in tunnels inside the now dead journalist?”

This shocking development now adds journalists to the ever growing list of places that Hamas are definitely using as bases alongside apartment buildings, schools, refugee shelters, maternity ward cribs, humanitarian aid routes, communication towers and all other places hit by Israeli bombs.

“This also goes for the thousands of children who have been killed as well, they were all terrorist bases. Our intelligence agencies will have more information on that soon, the are hiring a guy on Fiver to animate the design of bases as we speak.”

Western media outlets have all come together to put out a statement congratulating Israel on the successful strike against Hamas, before putting out a one sentence statement acknowledging the journalist’s passing caused by ‘somehow being exploded from what may have been a bomb of unknown origin.’


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