Former-Prince Andrew reportedly able to sweat again

In breaking news, former-Prince Andrew has reportedly gotten a special surprise for his birthday which finally allowed him to regain the ability to sweat.

This as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor finally found a new place to live after recently being kicked out of the royal lodge: a jail cell.

Police officers have described the state of his skin as ‘disgusting’, ‘weirdly moist’ and ‘extremely pale’, but can’t confirm whether that is from the shock of being arrested or whether that’s just how the royal family are.

Specifics of his arrest are not yet known at the time of reporting, with the police saying he has been arrested on the suspicion of ‘misconduct’, which narrows it down to potentially any of the things Andrew is known for.